I feel like a tramp, a whore, a slut. I feel dirty, unclean, like a plague. And do you know the worst part? I can’t bring myself to stop. I feel this way after I have sex with someone. I start to wonder why I did this. I feel like my tummy wants to erupt and I want to vomit. My legs feel weak and I’m unable to stand. I pick my dress up from the floor. I look at the guy on the bed. I don’t even know the guy. All I remember was I was at a club and he bought me a drink and a drink after that and a drink after that. Truth be told, he didn’t need to buy all those drinks. I was his at the first glance, and the worst part was that I couldn’t stop myself. The good thing was I was too drunk enough to remember it.
I look around the room. Untidy, with clothes littered everywhere, bottles dumped casually all over the floor. He didn’t even have the decency to take me somewhere nice. I don’t blame him I was cheap. I head to the bathroom and throw up. I notice there’s no condom on the floor. I panic a bit. I hope the idiot had the common sense to at least use a condom.
I head back to the room and shake him back to reality. He grumbled and snorted like a little pig.
“Did you use a condom?” I scream at him.
“I wanted to, but you said you didn’t want anything between us” he smiled at me with confidence.
I swing at his face with my bag. It’s quite heavy and it knocks him out and returns him back to his somewhat drunken stupor. I head back to the bathroom. I can’t think, I feel dizzy, confused, angry, and sad all at the same time. I fling my bag across the room and I collapse on the floor.
The tears flow without any prompting or control. Every fear I had of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy came rushing to the surface. I was finally ruined. The tears kept flowing. I looked across the room to where my bag was. The contents of my bag were spilled across the floor.
One thing pecked at me from everything. A black book I had forgotten I put there. The Bible my mother had given me when I turned 21 two years ago. It was open. I read the first passage I saw.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
I remember my mum always preaching to me. I usually wave her off and tell her I’m going out to a party or something. I realize in that one moment that I needed my mom. I wipe my tears and I pack my bag. I take one last look at the guy and I know that this isn’t where I’m supposed to be. I take a picture of him with my phone for reasons unknown to me.
I meet my mum as she’s about to leave for church. I cry and hug her. She hugs me back and cries like I never left. I tell her I’m sorry. And she tells me she loves me. She then invited me to church with her. I’ve been to church before but that day felt like the first day of the rest of my life.
It’s been three months now. I’ve given my life to Christ and I feel like a whole new person. I didn’t get any disease from the guy. I guess God had his sights on me. I’m pregnant though. And I’m keeping the baby. One day I’ll show her the picture I took of her father spontaneously. She’s going to be my redemption.