Guilt

All I feel is guilt. That’s the one prevailing emotion at the moment and let’s just say it’s not a good one. It’s like this load of brick constantly on your chest and it gets heavier with each passing moment. Every time I think of what I did I feel disgust.

And then I rush to the shower and try to scrub away the guilt. My skin hurts now. The soap can’t wash away what I’ve done and my memory keeps reminding me of what I did. And the weight gets heavier. I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep. I can’t live with myself.

To complicate matters I have an obsessive disorder. I’ve changed my clothes so much. I washed everything in my wardrobe just to wash away the stench of guilt. And the stench only gets worse.

My head is pounding. I can’t think. I only feel the guilt. I take it out on my room. I trash the place and then all I feel is more guilt. Then the tears come rushing to the surface like an ocean.

And I think of is that “If only soap could wash away sins”

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