Crazier

(This is the sequel to the “Crazy” post, which you should read first.)

He spotted me as I aimed the gun and as I fired he positioned my sister in front of him to protect himself. I watched as my sister’s body slumped on the bed and he ran from the room. Of course I hadn’t meant to kill her, maybe injure her but he had been my target all along. I didn’t need any ringing in my ears to push me. I was fueled with rage.

Rage from all the years he had stolen from me, Rage that he had now stolen my only sister from me. Rage that he had stolen the only family I had left. I threw the gun to the floor and picked up a piece of wood, heavy enough to do enough damage, light enough for me to swing with some element of freedom. The ringing started again.

I marched into the house, adrenaline fueling my movements. I expected him to be ready for me; he had seen me kill my own sister. He had seen the look in my eyes, the look that said I was ready to kill. It was a situation of impasse. It was kill or be killed. And I intended to be the killer here.

I took off my heels. I didn’t want to draw attention to where I was and I didn’t want to be slowed by my shoe. I pushed open the door and threw my heels in. No reaction. He wasn’t there. I stalked in through the kitchen, keeping my back to the walls.

I moved in, making my way to his bedroom which was at the end of the house. I would have to cross the space between the living room and the passage way leading to the bedroom to get there. He had turned off the lights. He was somewhere around. Probably lying in wait for me. Hoping to stab me in the back again.

I turned on the lights and made my way to the bedroom. Light reflected on a surface in front of me. In an instant I realized what it was. I turned round swinging the plank of wood I was holding. He was coming at me with a knife and he raised his hands to deflect the blow. The knife flew out of his hand and clattered to the floor a few meters away from us.

He rushed at me, grabbing me and knocking the wood away from my hand. We both tumbled to the floor and I hit the floor hard. He grabbed at my throat and began choking the life out of me. I guess a slow death was what he had planned for me. The world was spinning and the lights were dimming. I couldn’t breathe and my vision was blurring with polka dots in the every corner.

And with my last amount of strength I raised my knee to his groin. He doubled over in pain. Gasping for air, I spotted the knife a few feet away, I crawled toward it. He spotted where I was headed and grabbed my leg. I kicked him in the face. He had recovered quicker than I imagined and he grabbed me, ready to go in for the kill. And I plunged the knife into his side.

I stood up and watched as he bled. I grabbed the piece of wood and raised it down on his head. Again and again and again and again. Till I couldn’t raise my arms again. And then I blacked out.

There was a pounding somewhere. I opened my eyes to see I was in my bed. I was cleaned, bathed and in my pajamas. I moved to open the door and saw that my en suite bathroom had been cleaned spotless and there was the faint scent of bleach.

“Yes, who is it?” I asked, sounding groggy.

“It’s the police”

I opened the door to see two policemen in their black uniforms, eyes cold and mouths thin.

“Yes, how may I help you officers?” I asked with a yawn

“We’re here about your boyfriend. It seems he was killed.”

“Why would you think that?” I ask.

“Because his gate man returned late this evening to find the house and gate unlocked and the house spotless with a faint smell of bleach. Not many gate men can speak proper English, so we decided to investigate. And his claims were correct so we’re looking into what might be his murder.”

“One other thing.” The second officer chirped in. “It seems your sister might have been killed as well. The gate man also said he saw someone who we’ve identified as your sister going in today, right before his oga asked him to leave. So whatever or whoever got to him might have gotten to her as well. ”

With that, I fell on the floor, bursting into tears.

“We made plans today,” I wailed “We were supposed to go out and have fun and cheer me up. I called her but she didn’t show so I thought maybe she was busy.”

With that I wailed even louder.

“We’re sorry ma’am to have disturbed you” The officers left like there was a dog napping at their heels.

The ringing started and I smiled to myself. Maybe I was crazy after all.

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Guest Post: Musings

(This is our first post from a guest author who wishes to be identified as A. Do enjoy, your feed-backs would be greatly appreciated)

Battling a battle alone isn’t the easiest thing there is to do. Trying your possible best to let no one know about it so that nobody has to worry — especially with our recent loss. But sometimes we need to just talk I guess; it doesn’t solve anything but it provides some kind of comfort, a sense of relief.
In addition, always thinking of tomorrow and never living in today has been an issue. Trying to impress the world but not looking for self-satisfaction. Really looking forward to pursuing a degree in the arts… But you know, I would be regarded as an irresponsible somebody.
And then sometimes, I think turning off my emotions is the best thing; pretending I don’t give damn about anybody; but people down that lane know its all a lie. Everybody is looking for -– attention isn’t the right word but I’d use it anyway– looking for someone to pour their hearts to.
Then you begin to bother about the fact that very little results come out from the very much effort you put into something. That hurts a lot. You feel disappointed, you know you can do much better, matter of fact you were so sure that much better would be achieved… But as fate would have it, you end up a disappointment to yourself. People try to console you by saying “it’s not that bad” but you know your standard, you know your worth. And then, you ask yourself that question that all parents ask while growing up, “but does that person have two heads?”
In your subconscious you’re comparing yourself to other people, knowing fully well that the bible refers to such people as fools. Then…. You work harder, then an obstacle comes in the way again. Ill health, the loss of a loved one, depression. But you know you’re not going to give these excuses when you’re looking for a job.
But who said you’re going to look for a job? Is it because that is what society expects? Or because you actually want to do it. And then have a masters degree in whatever. When you know that’s not what you want to do.
Matter of fact, you don’t know what you want to do. You’re confused, you’re at crossed roads. You feel you are good at something but you think that it’s not accepted. Then you see someone excelling in that thing you want to do; then you are gingered again. But just when you are about to take that bold step… You remember that it’s still not acceptable. Then you try to console yourself by making believe that the person is better than you, and even of you went into that line, you wouldn’t succeed. Who said so?
But you’re still lonely on the inside. For a moment, you try to forget about the tomorrow and live in the now. Then that fight you’ve been fighting comes up again; you are trying so hard but you are slowly losing. Then you think of that bright future…. Sometimes it cheers you up, sometimes it doesn’t.
Then you wonder why you have to go through so much. A while passes, and then you thank God because you just find out there’s someone whose life is worse than yours. Yes. That doesn’t make your life any better, but that feeling from within, that lets you know that millions are depending on you. That’s even far fetched. When you picture the smile on your momma’s face… That’s a lot.
But you still don’t know what to do though. And now, material things don’t mean a thing to you anymore. You could do without them, they don’t make you a bit happier. At this point you’re willing to trade your money for happiness. Not possible I guess. Happiness isn’t sold anywhere.
Gradually, you find yourself motivating people, helping that helpless kid who, if not for you, wouldn’t have eaten, giving tips to that cleaner, being a source of hope to your mother… Most importantly forgetting about the problems you MIGHT face tomorrow. Then there’s this warmth from within, this joy. You can’t explain it… But there’s just so much joy. And enough is never too much of it.
Then you finally realize its the little things that do count. Your helping made you realize that no matter what you MIGHT be, there’s a lot of people who depend on you. It makes you feel important. Your self worth is unimaginable. You’re finally doing you. The joy on the inside is totally unexplainable, but somehow, it’s overshadowed the pains, the darkness. It makes you want to fight. But wait….. You’re already a fighter. And you’ve won so many battles like the depression, there’s finally a smile again. Joy! That was the magic.
But life isn’t a fairy tale, no happily ever afters. That one thing you’ve been fighting and can’t tell nobody is still there. You know it isn’t a battle that joy can win – not to be pessimistic, just factual.  It’s probably just part of those things you might have to live with until it takes your life away.

Guest Posts.

So i know I’ve been AWOL (Away without official leave) and people keep asking me hows your blog and i just go “it’s fine” but it has been absent a real post for a while and i apologize. i could say its work but its really just me being lazy. So starting today I’m starting a series of guest postings, meaning that other people who have something they want to share can share it on my blog. So our very first guest post is from A. (For Anonymous, they want to keep their identity a secret). So sit back and enjoy.