Have you ever been in a room full of people, everyone is talking about something or laughing, they all seem to be having fun and enjoying each other’s company and then suddenly you realize something. That you are all alone.
Oh sure the room is full of people, you can’t be alone. But then how do you describe the emptiness you’re feeling. The sudden disconnect, the feeling that sets in and you begin to question whether you are one of them, whether you truly belong here. At that very moment you are undeniably alone.
You begin to ask yourself “what am I doing here?”. You begin to question how you even got here in the first place. You begin to look for an exit, an excuse because suddenly the room feels small. You try and listen to the conversation but then you realize you were never included.
Someone suddenly spots your face. Whether it’s the universe’s cruel way of taunting you or just some cruel twist of fate you suddenly become the subject of the conversation. But the universe isn’t done yet. You become the joke of the conversation. Someone says something rather funny about you and the crowd is pleased. They want more and the comedian, as crowd-pleasing as a gladiator, goes for the kill.
The crowd is pleased, the comedian has gained another set of adoring fans. But what they don’t know is how shitty you feel about yourself at the moment. You’ve probably had a bad day, week or maybe even a bad life. And that was really the last straw.
You head up to another room, out of anger or maybe even some pain you’re dealing with. You pass a kitchen and some knife winks at you conveniently, from its place on the kitchen table and you grab it without even thinking.
You close the room door behind you. You have decided to end it. There really isn’t a point anymore. Or is there? At this point you’d never really know. You decide to show them a lesson and you slice your wrist, silently hoping that someone out there noticed you and cared. Maybe they’d feel bad about what they did or how they treated you and made fun of you. But no one did and you lie there in a pool of your own blood and you bleed out and fade away.
Alas. You’re inside my head. Or I’m inside yours.
The question is “am I really alone?” Or is there someone out there who feels just as alone as I do?