I woke up with a start, the light from the room blinding. I looked around and saw a couple of boys in my room all talking. I guess that was what woke me up. Normally I’d do my personal devotion but there were too many people in the room and I prefer to do it with some peace and quiet. I turned on my laptop to check the time. It was some minutes after eleven and I had finished exams two days before. I was thankful to be done and relieved all at the same time.
I said a silent prayer to God for thanks because well, my God is able. I went down two flights of stairs to the buttery and well, there was a bit of a crowd. And right in front of me was a course mate of mine and I asked him to help me buy two loaves of Chelsea bread and a bottle of lacasera. He helped me of course. The relief in my mind that I didn’t have to struggle with all the other boys, I wasn’t in that state of mind.
And then my friend asked me for some of my Chelsea and I stretched it towards him and he cut half of the loaf for himself. Normally in situations like this I’d instantly get angry, after all he came to the buttery to get snacks himself, so why get so comfortable with mine? A small voice at the back of my mind whispered to me to be calm. And calm I was. I found my way back to my room and right outside the door to my room, another course mate of mine met me and asked me for some of my Chelsea. If you do the math I only have a loaf and a half of some sweet buttery Chelsea.
I stretch out the half loaf that is left to him and he cuts it into half. Leaving me with a loaf and a quarter and of course, my lacasera. In a little corner of my mine I think o well I can still live with that. And with that I enter my room to face the boys that are still there and well, the rest is history. I only remember taking a few bites of the Chelsea and I was left with some of my drink. I still had some of my bread and my lacasera and suddenly I didn’t feel too eager to eat again. Someone came into my room and asked for it and I gave it away.
It wasn’t till the departure service that night that I remembered that I had gone through the day with barely a few bites of Chelsea and some lacasera and I felt hungry. But it was the last night in school before the semester ended and there was never food unless you had gotten it earlier. I was totally prepared to sleep early after all. I was going to be home in the morning so what was a night without eating to me, but then I found (more like, remembered) a can of baked beans in my bag and so I borrowed a kettle from someone downstairs and heated it up.
A friend asks me what I’m eating for the night. They are all eating indomie. And I don’t eat indomie. L . I mention to him that I had found a can of baked beans in my bag and it was being heated up and he asks for a little bit of it to spice his indomie up. The indomie had been previously spiced with tuna fish and whatever. I guess the spicing wasn’t enough. -_-. I actually tell him no, and he gets angry and calls me selfish. My mind goes back to the event of the day and the Chelsea and I point out to him that he ate out of my Chelsea and I didn’t even eat much of it. He refuses to little to whatever I had to say and I shrug it off. I head to my room and my baked beans and I eat it and drink water.
I head downstairs to talk to a friend and as we talk I realized something. Being a Christian (I’m talking a true born again Christian) is one of the hardest things in the world; some people have described it as being impossible. You have to consider people other than yourself, giving is a kingdom rule because Christ made the ultimate sacrifice on the cross by giving his life for us on the cross to redeem us from the sting of the law and death. So who am I to withhold a few worldly possessions that eventually fade away? And there are so many other things in the picture, there are constant temptations and distractions. Nothing beats the feeling that comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit but it requires efforts on our part.
I don’t regret making the choice to follow the Lord. I love him and he loves me and we have a personal relationship but I’m still considered new and well God is still pruning me…. it hurts sooo much, but I know I’ll come out beautiful.